My mom died yesterday. Her name is Ronnie Reinman and she
was 88 years old. I’m not really sure how to process all the feelings right
now, but I do know that I have an ache in the depths of my soul. I knew she
wasn’t going to live long, but the moment I woke up to see the breath in her
body was gone, was a shock to every part of my being that I will probably feel,
or recall, the rest of my life.
I’ve no idea what words I’m going to type right now, but something tells me I need to write. I feel it. I’ll say the realest thing I know first: my relationship with my mother was one of the most difficult I’ve experienced in my life. And I loved my mother with all my heart. Not but, AND. Now that I’ve said that, I feel free to share the most beautiful things I know and think about her.
My mom was a beautiful and petite Sicilian woman who was a Vaudeville dancer in the 1940s. She met my dad, a classical guitarist, also performing in NYC, fell in love, married, and had four beautiful babies: Ross, Jodi (me), Darien and Judd.
EVERYONE adored my mom, mostly because she was very spunky, had
a sunny and quirky personality, and always had something surprising to say. It was kind of funny for people to hear this tiny older lady blurt out something like, “THAT SUCKS,” after hearing something she didn’t like. People noticed her, and she knew how to bring out a smile or chuckle, whether talking to the grocery store clerk, police offer, neighbor or doctor. If she liked you, you were lucky and you knew it. If she didn’t, you knew that too!
Through the years, my mom was known for preparing wonderful Italian-style meals that our friends remember to this day. She made lasagnas, cutlets, lots of meatballs, eggplant parmigiana, and the best Italian sausage and pepper sandwiches. And not just Italian food, my mama was a master at all those classic dinners like standing rib roasts, stews and hearty soups. We were definitely comforted and nourished by the food she cooked.
In our teen years, she really got a kick out of showing off her acrobatic talents to friends and family, even in her fifties! Our friends mouths would drop open watching her do a roundoff, followed by back-to-back flip flops. And she never missed a chance to impress everyone with a cool tap dance at weddings, family functions, or just any impromtu occassion.
Her capacity to love and demostrate love was immense. She was so proud of her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. And she cared about what each one of us was doing at all times. While she may have been distracted by things in her own life, she NEVER, EVER turned down a chance to listen if we needed to talk or share something interesting going on in our lives. She cared for and loved us with her whole heart and soul. We all know it.
I never thought I’d be with her when she died, mostly because I didn’t feel that I was there often enough during these last days. But as fate would have it, the night she died was the first time I chose to stay overnight in years. I talked with her the day before she died, and made her laugh when I jokingly yanked her oxygen tube and called to her saying, “Come on doggie.” She enjoyed listening to a few songs from Sarah Vaughn and Nat King Cole that day.
And she listened to me as I shared some personal struggles. And despite going through the hardest time in her life, and the hardest challenge any of us will ever face, she looked at me with caring eyes, and mothered me for the last time, in the last moments of her life.
I may not ever be able to forget that on the last day of her life – despite only wanting to help her – I snapped at her in a moment of frustration. And it was probably much like any other time, but I’ll always regret that I didn’t have more patience that day. It reminds how nothing is perfect, no parent, no child, no story, no beginning and no end. The only thing that’s perfect is God’s amazing gift of life and the powerful abundance of love, mercy and forgiveness he freely gives us.
I’m thankful today for that gift, for the gift of a loving mother, and for the gift of forgivenss – because without forgiveness I would not be able to share these loving thoughts about my mother, and would never have been there when she died. I believe with all my heart, that she felt safe to die that night…because I was there. And I thank God for that.
I love you mom.
Your daughter Jodi
~~~~~~~
Here is a recipe for her quick, simple, humble and tasty spaghetti sauce that she’d make with tomato paste. Her grandkids slurped it up a lot. I made it this morning so I can smell her while I wrote about her. : )
A Tribute to My Mama (and her spaghetti sauce)
Ingredients
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1/2 onion chopped
- 5 garlic cloves crushed
- 1 can tomato paste 6-ounce can
- 1 tablespoon dried parsley
- 1-2 teaspoons basil
- 1/2 teaspoon oregano
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 12 ounces water
- 1/8-1/4 cup wine
- salt to taste
Instructions
- In small, heavy bottom sauce pan, saute onions with olive oil for several minutes until tender.
- Add the garlic, stir and cook another couple minutes without browning garlic.
- Stir in the tomato paste and cook for a couple minutes. Fill the tomato paste can with water and add to the sauce. Repeat.
- Once simmering, add all the spices, the salt, sugar and wine.
- Simmer loosely covered on low for about 30 minutes.
- Serve with your favorite pasta and garnish with Parmigiano cheese, crushed red pepper, and fresh parsley.
- Enjoy!
Beautiful post. Love you and love Nani.
xoxox
Love you too sweet DIL!!
Hi Jodi, I was wondering what size can of tomato paste??
Hi! I use one 16-ounce can of tomatoe paste, but also use 12 ounces of water and a little wine. It’s a small batch of sauce, but tasty! Enjoy.
I have been trying to be strong & see this as a happy thing seeing how long my loving Grandmother Nani aka “Noni” has lived& the fact that she passed away in her own bed,during her sleep with her ONLY daughter sleeping by her side. The hardest thing for me is seeing you in pain & reading this finally broke me today ;(
Love you Mom & to my Grandmother Ronnie “nani” Reinman may you rest in Paradise 🙂
Oh my precious son! My pain is so minimized just knowing I get to continue life with my children and grandbabies. How sweet to leave a message here. I LOVE YOU! Love mom
I’m so sorry about your Mom. Your post is a lovely tribute to her and I’m sure she understood when you lost patience.
Annamaria, thank you so much!
Oh, Jodi… what a beautiful tribute to you mom, and how lucky you both were to spend her last moments together. Don’t worry about the lack of patience… as a mom I know what really mattered to her was that you talked to her, and I know she loved just listening. I do, and my kids snap at me all the time. I know they don’t really mean it.
You made her peaceful, and that is what she needed. Thank you for sharing her with us.
I’m so comforted by your words and you reminded how moms do brush off those moments. I appreciate your comment so much.
Jodi, that was so beautifully, and so sweetly written. I smiled reading your description of little Nani. Her laugh is one that I’ll forever miss. I love you.
I love you too. Thank you sweet Jessica.
You were blessed with a beautiful and talented mother, Jodi. I just printed her spaghetti sauce recipe and I thank you for sharing it. I lost my oldest sister to a stroke, she was 68, last Friday and I want to pass on something my best friend, Janice wrote to me. ” Your mother’s (she said sister to me) life has merely changed, not ended. She is still with you though unseen, as is any other family members that have passed. God bless, Jodi! Elizabeth
Elizabeth, so sorry about your sister. I love what you said and believe that for sure. Thank you for sharing.
She was so cute! You look like her. Debbie and I will try that recipe and shell live on in every bite. Wish I could have seen a dance routine. xoxo.
Bret
: ) thanks Bret! Your words brought a smile to my face.
Tears in my eyes reading this. So sorry for you loss, great tribute! You do look like her!!
Oh my goodness., thank you Ewa. xo
when I woke up after talking to you on the morning of Nanis passing I walked out of my front door at 6:35. I picked my eyes up off the ground and looked up and saw the most beautiful sunrise. Bright purple and pink shining on a couple fluffy clouds. It reminded me of Nani so much, and It kind of became her to me for about 5 minutes while I watched it, and a tear came to my eye. I loved her just as I love you. strong and beautiful
Precious words from my precious son. I love you soooo much!
This is such a lovely tribute to your lovely mother. Relationships with our mothers is complicated with many conflicted feelings. I had them with my mother and I am sure my children have them with me. Despite that we love each other. What an honor and a comfort to your mother — and to you — that you were there with her in her last hours. My mother also was a great Italian cook. At her memorial, we handed out memory cards with her famous manicotti recipe on the flip side. I have printed out your mother’s recipe and will make it in her memory.
Best…Victoria
Victoria, it sounds like you really understand. I appreciate your words. Love that you gave your mom’s manicotti recipe out at the service! I’d love it, by the way. : )
Totally crying! What a beautiful tribute. Praying for you and your family during this time of loss. And next time I make a sauce for my family’s dinner, I’ll be making hers 🙂
Oooooh! How sweet you are, Karisa.
Wonderful way to remember your Mom. I will save the recipe and make it as a tribute to a real “little” Sicilian Beauty.
Thanks Dave! She really was!!
Thank you… I too believe that my relationship with my mother was the most complicated messy love…when she passed away 18 months ago I too felt guilty about sometimes getting frustrated with her but I know in my heart she understood me and loved me anyway..thank you….
I really do believe that too. Thanks for saying that, Heather!
Beautiful tribute. Reminded me of the night my Mom died. Seems she waited until I left the room. Can’t explain why, but it made sense given the relationship we had. I was the only daughter too.
Thanks you for sharing.
I know you can never be ready to lose your mother, no matter the relationship. I am so sorry for your loss. Those pics definitely reflect a dynamo of a woman, and it is only natural to feel the loss of that energy so strongly.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Cyndia,
So sweet…and dynamo is just the right adjective!
Jodi
Jodi, that was a beautiful tribute to your mom. It brought tears to my eyes, and I could almost smell the spaghetti sauce while I was reading. Hugs to you and your family.
Jodi thank you for openly sharing your story, your heart and your mother’s spaghetti sauce recipe.This was a beautiful tribute to your mother. I loss my mother in January 2008, and I find comfort in making and eating some of the food’s she use to prepare for us. The mother and daughter bond is beautiful and sometimes complex.I know that you and your mother truly loved each other. God bless you and your family..
Evelyne, thank you! Miss you a lot!
Jodi
Dear Jodi,
I found your site while looking for spaghetti sauce. What a beautiful tribute to your mom. It was a blessing to read it and it moves me to love on my mom more. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with her growing up. I didn’t have the home cooked meals or caring home work nights. But I know I was loved. I don’t have family traditions, so I’ve started my own, collecting recipes that are ages old. This one I will savour and pass on with a story. 🙂 God Bless and praying healing has come as the anniversary approaches.
Thank you. Vicki H
Hi Vicki, thank you so much for your sweet words. I’m glad you still have your mom here to love on! God Bless you too! Jodi
Beautiful tribute! I’m planning to make your mom’s sauce. What kind of wine do you use? Red or white?